Expectations

At times, the clamor of expectations, people, and agendas become overwhelming. I get overloaded and there seems to be no escape. Have you been there?

Some expectations are of my own making – the voice telling me what I “should” be doing and how I am falling short of that “should”. Then, there are external expectations from a myriad of places – family, friends, jobs, church, and groups we belong to that tell us that in order to be a good and successful member we “must” …whatever the current trend. The pressure is heavy, unrealistic, and definitely not manageable. Burnout lurks and bides its time, knowing that before long something has to give, and it is often me and you.

Expectation is sly in how it approaches me. It doesn’t come bashing, barging and obnoxious…no, that is way too obvious. Slowly, methodically, inch by inch the overwhelm advances. At times it looks flashy, exciting and brings an energy of anticipation, progress, and fitting in. Other times it will gently pop up on my radar as something noble that needs my attention; something worthwhile and necessary. Oh how well expectation knows me and my MO. People pleasing, peace-making, putting others first and myself low on the list because that’s what good, Christian women do, right? Selfless, cheek turning, emptying our cups until there’s literally nothing left, permitting others to continuously take, and making sure to meet their demands. Don’t make a wave or ripple that might disturb another, no boundary setting because that upsets people and throws them off-kilter. It’s my job to make sure everyone’s “kilters” are comfy and cozy, right? Hmmm. I am challenging that. It isn’t easy or second nature to me. It’s a learning process and a change in perspective. There is balance and I’m trying to find it.

As expectation advances and slithers in, things that are important to me and fill my cup, bringing me joy, rest, and contentment tend to wither. With my energy going to these nebulous expectations of others and society, my peace, calm and contentment begin running dry. Things I once enjoyed and needed to recharge, refill, and simply be happy are scarce and hard to find. This is not the heart of my Father. This anxious striving and relentless giving entangle, and snare as my thoughts become anxious and dissatisfied. All the working and planning never seem to be enough.

This is where the One who knows me best begins to whisper in the lovely sunrise greeting me as I’m fixing my coffee – “slow down a bit, savor the warm deliciousness a bit longer.” The Whisper enchants me with bright flowers blooming in my garden – “take a walk among the flowers and loosen your stiff shoulders and neck.” The critters on the patio that delight me with their antics bring a smile to my face. Joy and contentment move to the forefront as emails, texts and advertising strategies are put in their proper place in the grand scheme of my life and the plans You have for me. Scriptures hidden in my heart begin to surface as my face is turned toward You once again, with the reminder to “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you”. ¹  

Living out the passions and dreams our Creator put in our hearts does not require us to lose ourselves in the doing. We were not created to constantly strive, fix, and do to the point of burning out and withering our spirits. Our Father delights in our joy, peace, and contentment. He placed that delight in us so we can enjoy sunsets, the beach, a hike in the woods, good coffee, humor, rest, and time to just be with Him, as He speaks out all that our parched spirits crave. We are enough and can rest without guilt seeping in to taint the peace that His presence offers us. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”²

It is good to set healthy boundaries that protect our minds, hearts, and bodies. It is ok to let go of expectations that take away from faith and trusting Him – that rob us of our peace, safety, the passion in our hearts and our purpose. Those expectations are not from Him. “I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”³

1. 1 Peter 5:7
2. Galatians 5:22-23
3. John 14:27

Traditions

With the holidays in full swing, I have been thinking about traditions and the place of importance they often hold in our lives.  It made me stop and wonder why? There are holiday traditions I definitely look forward to and work hard to make happen, just the way I remember them. Beginning in November, I feel that twinge of anxiety, mixed with great anticipation about how Christmas “should be.” That last part, “how Christmas should be”, becoming my focus. It brings with it a whole lot of expectations, which often lead to feeling disappointed and let down, because things rarely go as planned, right? My tightly controlled ideas of how things will be, how people will act and the expectation that everyone feels the same excitement, rarely come to pass. Someone gets sick, finances are tight, the weather does not cooperate, kids grow up and don’t react the way they used to, it’s a no burn day, so the roaring, cheery fire doesn’t happen, cats destroy carefully wrapped packages and the list goes on and on of things that sneak or blast their way in to our well controlled plans for the perfect holiday.

I have expectations of yummy goodies baking all season in the kitchen, making my house smell festive; I imagine Christmas parties with good friends filling the house; I dream of evenings spent by a warm, cozy fire with my family, pets, hot drinks, movies and all the warm fuzzy togetherness we can stand; a night of hot cocoa, while driving around looking at festive Christmas lights with everyone loving every second of it, with not a fight to be had. This fantastic list goes on and on, of things that are wonderful and exciting and lovely, but not very realistic. These expectations leave NO wiggle room for life or messed up plans or teenagers who don’t want to drive around looking at houses with lights on them.

I asked myself why I get anxious, letdown or sad if things don’t play out the way I expected. What will it mean if none of these traditions I hold on to, with such a white knuckled intensity, come to pass?  Interestingly enough, the first thought that came to mind was “it won’t be safe.” Safety. I can see that. It makes sense in an odd sort of way. Feeling safe is something I have always craved. Remembering back to my childhood Christmases, everything felt predictable, controlled and orderly. It was safe. Secure. All wrapped up tightly. I knew what and who to expect, when and how to expect them.  It was all lovely and predictable. I’m certain that things didn’t go perfectly all of the time; plans were changed, people got sick and life disrupted, as it often does, but as a child, I don’t remember any of that. I remember feeling safe; protected and wrapped up in traditions, knowing that my family would be surrounding me, we would have festive meals and there would be baking and delicious smells; there would be the anticipation of Christmas Eve candle light services and carols and everyone smiling; there would be lights on our tree and evenings spent sitting in the glow of those lights. The anticipation of Santa and listening for reindeer filled my heart with joy and wonder and predictability. What great memories. I love them. There were things in my childhood that were not happy and safe. Christmas and traditions held such importance, because I knew that during the holidays, I would feel safe and things would be predictable and in control. I wonder if that holds some truth for all of us? Do traditions give us predictability, safety and the feeling of being in control in an otherwise unpredictable, uncontrollable life? Is that why there are such feelings of letdown and depression for some, come Dec. 26^th?  Unmet expectations? Things not ending up as planned? People not behaving the way we had hoped?

Maybe this year will be different. Can I shift my focus to what is in front of me and embrace and enjoy it, allowing something new to become a great memory, instead of relying on what happened in the past to happen again? Can I celebrate Christmases past, yet open my heart to the here and now?  I want the season to be about gratefulness, focusing on what I have and the season of life I’m in; finding peace in that. I want the season to be more about Jesus and the joy of knowing how safe and loved I am. God came to Earth, in the flesh, to be part of my world, to bring me everlasting life. The King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, Almighty God, Warrior, Lover, Savior – He came for me. He came for you. How’s that for feeling safe! Come, let us adore Him!

Roads through the desert

Isaiah 43:19 (MSG)

“Forget about what’s happened;
    don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
    It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
    rivers in the badlands.”

This has always been a favorite verse of mine. I love the themes that jump out at me; hope, adventure, new beginnings; provision.

I have a tendency to go over the past, over think it and analyze it to death. I so easily become consumed with things that happened, things that were said that hurt (either by me or to me), actions and betrayals that I fear will happen again and again and again. This verse tells me to forget about reliving those things; to be alert and present, so that I don’t miss out on the brand new things God wants to do for and through me. He doesn’t say “I’d like to do something new” or “I’m considering it”; no! The Lord says “I am about to do something brand-new!” It is a promise! I can feel the excitement coming through His words when He says, “Don’t you see it? There it is!” The Lord is wild about you and me and loves the plans He has so masterfully created for each of us. It excites Him and brings Him such pleasure to surprise us with His purpose for our lives and to whisper into our spirits, “this is the way, walk in it.”

I don’t want to be so wrapped up in the past or worrying over the future that I completely miss out on what He is doing right now, right this minute. I don’t want to miss the road He is making through my desert; the obstacles He will move and the ruts He will smooth over. There are days when it feels like I can’t find the road; there are too many little off shoots and paths that distract me and keep me going in circles. If I stop, breathe and give myself space and permission to spend time with Him, He reveals that road through the desert and gives me directions on how to get back to it. He helps me over the ruts, around the boulders and through the brambles. He reveals the beauty that is there.

How bleak to miss the rushing river of blessings and revelation that He is creating in the badlands I often roam! How quickly I forget that water is the source of life. Where there is water, there is often beauty, refreshment, fullness of life, peace and provision. Jesus is my river in the badlands of humanity. He is beautiful, my strength, my peace; He refreshes my soul and provides for all I need. He is my source of life and He is enough. How wise I would be if I lived with this mindset every day. So let’s be alert! Let’s watch and wait on the Lord and see what He will do in our deserts and badlands; the beauty He wants to show us in the midst of our journey. May we live in watchful expectation for the new and exciting plans He has for us.