How do you fit?

I wonder, have you been at a church gathering and experienced the uncomfortable feeling of not quite fitting in with the norm when it comes to how you encounter Jesus? Do you feel like the tried and true formula of experiencing His fullness and love doesn’t quite work for you or that you never really arrive; are somehow found lacking? I have; often. You watch everyone nodding in earnest agreement, when the sermon urges you to follow the formula of reading the Word daily, for a specific amount of time, in a certain place, in a specific position, saying specific things and following a proven formula to bring you close to Jesus. However, your Spirit is not connecting with this and your attempts at following these rote formulas fall flat. It must be you, your mind tells you. Everyone else is nodding and looking sagely about them, confirming that yes, this is how it must be done. The closeness you felt to Him as you worshipped just moments ago seeps away, as doubt and failure cloud your thoughts. “Yes,” says Satan, “you don’t fit in the body of Christ; you can’t even follow a simple formula to fill that void. Look at all these others believers. They get it. They are doing it. They succeed, you fail. Maybe you don’t belong.” Lies.

In the teaching series by Larry Osborne, A Contrarian’s Guide to Knowing God – Spirituality for the Rest of Us, one of his comments leaped out at me and brought me to tears. It touched a spot in my heart that has been hurt. Larry says we can’t practice all the spiritual disciplines (Bible reading, time in prayer, memorizing scriptures, worship, thanksgiving, etc) all the time! All disciplines are not good tools for us based on our personalities. There is great value in listening to and obeying God in each season of our lives. He urges us to never allow spiritual tools to turn into rules. The freedom I felt fall over me at these words was incredible.

This is something I have wrestled with for a while. Hearing other people say what we must do to be a good Christian and strong believer is very crippling in our journey with Jesus. When you know in your spirit that you adore Jesus, seek Him and find Him in that soul deep place where He meets with you, but are told it isn’t enough, unless a formula is followed, it wounds and taints something that should be precious, intimate, beautiful and deep. A stench of doubt permeates the very thing I believe Jesus celebrates about us; our uniquely individual personalities, gifts, quirks, responses, that HE CREATED. He made each of us just exactly how He wants us; no one identical, no one better or more loved or more cherished or more valuable. We each have such a specific purpose and that is so beautiful.

I react and buck and kick at being boxed in to a formula for doing anything in life, especially when it comes to journeying with Jesus. I may not always outwardly thrash at the formulas (sometimes I do!), but in my mind and spirit I certainly do.

What Larry Osborne said resonated with me on many levels. Spiritual disciplines are wonderful, necessary and amazing ways we each get to use, as our personality dictates, to become closer to the Father. I love that some of us pour over His word, intently study it and soak it in; others worship, sing and dance to connect with Him; some pray without ceasing; some share Jesus with strangers and others sit silently in His presence for hours, just soaking Him up. Some of us need to be in nature with our senses fully activated, experiencing Him through sights and sounds, movement and the wind in our faces. It’s all good and it’s all ok. All ok.

Listening to God and being who He says we are is freedom.  It feels really good to know that my way of connecting to my Father is good, just right, pleasing to Him and completes me, when I follow how He is prompting me to connect with Him. For me and my personality (introverted, empathetic, discerning, observer), I connect most deeply with Jesus when I’m alone; in nature observing or hiking, biking, gardening, camping, swimming; listening to worship music; observing people and praying for them as He leads me; talking to Him throughout the day; meeting someone’s needs anonymously. This is me, and it may not be you, and that is fabulous!

So get out there and connect with Jesus in the ways He created you to do it. Be free in that and enjoy every second! There is only one you and I believe that Jesus wants you to celebrate that in all its fullness. He sure is!

Zephaniah 3:17

“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

One thought on “How do you fit?

  1. Mel, I loved this blog. First of all, I tried not to be distracted, from the powerful thoughts you lay out here, by your beautiful writing. I agree with you; there is not a specific formula to worship God, to show our love for Him, or that quantifies and validates the degree of our Christianity, that leads us to either judge ourselves too harsh..or to receive judgment from our brothers and sisters..”does not go to church therefore not loving God too much”; “not singing, dancing, worshipping daily therefore, not feeling the Spirit” Only God knows the hear of the man. I think our spirituality goes thru seasons as we do. And I agree with you, I believe as we mature as people our spirituality also does.. and that is so specific and unique to each one of us. I know for me that Jesus was very clear about the power of intimacy and quietness in our relationship with Him and God. He talked about how we should pray in the silences of our rooms behind closed doors instead of praying loudly in corners for everyone to see. That FOR ME is essential for the way I want to lead my spirituality, Christianity, and my relationship with God. It may not be for others but it is so vital for me. You know I am a cradle Catholic who is so much in love with my Catholic faith. There are some expectations, rules, doctrines, formulas, whatever one wants to call them within the church. I am comfortable with them; sometimes I follow; sometimes I don’t. But what I know, like you beautifully said, that Jesus knows me and HE is patient, understanding, and does not abandon me because I failed to participate or believe in a doctrine that it is hard for me to do as a simple human being. I appreciate your embrace of the idea to believe and worship our Lord as we feel it, understand it, and experience it. God speaks to us in different ways, through different avenues, because HE alone knows our hearts because HE created us perfect for him.


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