I’m up early.
A restless, unsettled day, led to a similar night of sleep.
Rest is elusive, thoughts scattered.
Warm, earthy, steamy coffee warms my hands; my eyes glaze over; mind swirling.
Through the open kitchen window, the morning air carries the faint scent of jasmine and cool earth.
The house is warm, but the fragrant air is inviting and full of promise; electric.
A friendly breeze, a puff of soft air, calls to me from the musical notes of the wind chimes,
I go out.
My favorite bench is canopied by the looming butterfly bush; it’s purple, fragrant blooms toss and wave; encouraging me to come.
The cold marble of my bench, as I sit, is in stark contrast to the warmth of my hands around the child-painted coffee cup I carry with me. “I love Mommy” it proudly shouts, from its brightly painted surface. That brings a smile.
Also some tears.
I don’t feel so loveable of late. Irritable. Tired. Frustrated, not loveable. Chaotic, possibly.
Looking at the flowers in the planter tubs next to my bench, I see chaos; at first.
Upon closer inspection, I notice that the random way in which I planted these lovelies, is actually quite beautiful. Patterns emerge amidst the seemingly random design.
There is order here in the planter, despite the chaos and it is so lovely! Yes! Yes, it is.
Do goodness and beauty and happiness have to be meticulously ordered, spaced and arranged to be ok and acceptable? Do I have to understand it?
This revelation makes me smile and breathe deeply. Inhale life.
The rising sun glitters its reflection at me on the feathery water of the stone bird bath. Winking and spunky, I want to laugh with it, at the possibilities of the new day.
I feel my back and shoulders relax; everything isn’t wiry and tense, ready for flight. Calm. Peace. Is that joy?
Again the breeze; it caresses the back of my neck with cool, kind fingers; barely a whisper against my ear.
What was that? I close my eyes, try to still my mind and just be.
I hear it now. You are speaking, but no words are spoken.
The peaceful scent of jasmine and butterfly bush blooms tell me all is well.
The stable, steady, ancient scent of dirt reminds me that new life is all around; rebirth is waiting daily for me to acknowledge it.
The breeze whispers that I’m never alone. You will never leave me. I remember; I know.
I see in the riotous, chaotic colors and placement of the flowers, that You have patterned and woven my life together in a tapestry that may appear to be a random intersection of lines and curves; hills and dales; yet is actually something far more beautiful and ordered and perfected than I can imagine.
You see the entire picture of me and You call it lovely; You call me lovely. I am enough because of You.
You have dried my tears; they are captured in the bottle that holds all of them. In place of frustration, I notice acceptance has taken root. Not a resigned, sighing acceptance, but an acceptance of the unique journey I am on with all of the ups and downs that I know will come.
My place in Your arms as chosen, loved, accepted and redeemed is reconfirmed on my little marble bench. I am enough. I just needed to come away with You for a spell. You remind me I’m Yours and all will be well.